Resolutions I Can Keep — By Tommy Purser

John Reed and Dr. Kirk this week write about New Year’s Resolutions and it reminded me that I solved that problem years ago.

I don’t remember the particulars of the column I wrote some 20 years ago but I can well remember the gist of it: my choices of resolutions were so easily attainable that I couldn’t fail.

Such as:

I resolve not to eat spinach.

I resolve not to run a marathon.

I resolve to breath at every opportunity.

I resolve to sleep at least once a night.

I resolve not to play professional sports of any kind.

I resolve to wake up from sleep every morning.

I resolve to watch TV at least two days a week.

I resolve to play computer games at least once a week.

I resolve to love my children.

I resolve to love my grandchildren.

I resolve to shave at least once a week whether I need to or not.

I resolve to bathe at least once a week whether I need to or not.

Ditto eating.

I resolve to follow the good wife’s orders and complete her seemingly enless Honey-Do list that evolves and increases with alarming regularity.

Besides, life is easier that way.

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